It's the End of the World

REM hit the world stage with ironically "It's the End of the World (and I feel Fine)" as one of their biggest hits, albeit in my mind, one of the least deserving as such. 

It is strange what makes one popular and what makes one obscure. One such obscure poet is Robinson Jeffers, a naturalist and rather man of solitude, two things I can surely relate to in my life. 

There is also a line in a lesser-known REM song when Michael Stipes sings "when I was young I spirited a rattlesnake," which to anyone not from the South or Southwest sounds odd, but being a child of New Mexico, this sounds perfectly normal to me. To spirit an animal is to become one with it, or for it to become you. I get that. I get that about a rattlesnake. Being here in Europe, and listening to those lyrics again, it sounds so distant, almost made up, fantasy-like. But, when I was living in India, this would have been so visceral, so cogent to my daily existence. 

Europe is cold. Europe is very stale and full of BMW's as the standard of life. It is like the 80's of America. There is a false sense of superiority here as well that really grinds on one's nerves. 

There is that same sense of superiority that Jeffers' must have felt...that we are above Time...and yet, we are not. A fancy car and a cushy job with 35 days of holiday is not the ultimate goal of life. I have been asked several times of late "Does Philosophy/Literature answer any questions?" or is it merely a band-aide? Well, I don't believe there are definitive answer that it does answer, but it can give us the feeling that we are not alone, that others have thought such thoughts and that it can at least give us solace in that simple fact. 

Currently, I am rather disillusioned by Europe. The tribal atmosphere is asphyxiating. The false sense of having "open minds" is ludicrous. The hypocrisy is rampant. The future is elsewhere.


End of the World

When I was young in school in Switzerland, about the time of the Boer War,
We used to take it for known that the human race
Would last the earth out, not dying till the planet died. I wrote a schoolboy poem
About the last man walking in stoic dignity along the dead shore
Of the last sea, alone, alone, alone, remembering all
His racial past. But now I don't think so. They'll die faceless in flocks,
And the earth flourish long after mankind is out. 

Robinson Jeffers

Innocent Auguries

With poetry, music and literature as well as any of the other so-called "arts" there is a presumption that all that one does is something that will be lasting, despite the modesty, despite the renunciations of pretension. Why perform, why write, why compose if it is not for an audience that is beyond your physical jurisdiction? I find that hypocrisy if one says that it is not. We strive for an audience larger than ourselves, we strive to be heard.

When someone recently questioned me about "why I write?" I was only reminded of my throwback answer, that from the ending of "Shadowlands," the story of C.S. Lewis, and a sad story it is, and that the voiceover says, "we write so that we know that we are not alone."

I guess, in short, that is why I write, and that is why I blog. For the most part of my life, I feel quite alone. I work alone, I think alone, and I am alone in a foreign country, though it was not much different when I was in my native country, I was, for the most part, still alone. So, I write.

Perhaps you are out there. Perhaps you follow some of my words, and maybe, just maybe, you might empathize. I don't know.

One of the most power invocations to seeing if we are alone, however, is William Blake's "Auguries of Innocence," from which I derived the post title for the blog dedicated to my daughter. It reminds us both of the temporality and the vastness of our existence. The dichotomy of the infinitely small with the infinitely sublime that we live each day. We do. Look around. Take stock of every detail of what has come before you and you will be amazed. Take a moment to stare a flower in its face and tell me you are not moved.

But, we revert to complacency, which is truly sad. This universe, this world before us, this moment that we have at our hands is infinite if we let it be, or, it is a mere trifle, a passing, and how sad is that?

The famous opening lines of Blake's "Auguries of Innocence":

To see the World in a Grain of Sand,
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the Palm of your Hand,
And Eternity in an Hour...

I dare you to live life as such. I dare myself each day to do so.

Do Not Go Gentle

On my birthday, something that is somewhat bittersweet is the memory of my father. My father, like me, was an Aries, and boy, he could be an Aries.

One thing that I am pretty sure of though is that my father never knew my actual birthday. He once "bragged" to me that he was out riding motorcycles with his buddies that night. I was born at 1:32 am, so, that should tell you something, and this man was a highly respected surgeon, but just happened to be born in a Marlon Brando character.

So, every year, (well, actually there would be many years I did not hear from him), when he did call to wish me a Happy Birthday, it would always be either a week or so early, or late. I honestly do not think that once he actually got it on the right date, but that is what we learn about people. That was who he was, and when I got older, I just accepted it, and realized, "that's my dad." 

And, that is the best we can do sometimes. 

When my dad died, it was around my birthday as well, in fact, was last week 8 years ago. I just happened to be visiting the US as we were living in Italy at the time, and one of my sister's friends found me wondering the streets of Austin, as  I am wont to do, and let me know my dad was in the hospital, where he died a few hours later in Louisville, Kentucky, where he was a professor of Cardiovascular Surgery, and resident red-neck dragster with his Grand National.

Birth and death days then remind us of our mortality, from beginning to end. At my father's funeral, I met many people who respected him dearly, but who were surprised to meet me as they did not know he had a son. Something he seemed to have forgotten to mention, though they all knew who my two sisters were.

There are many misgivings that I could have for this man, but, without him and my mother, I would never have seen the light of day. So, what I have learned over the years is to be grateful for what we do have, and not to regret what we do not.

I don't know how my dad died exactly, meaning the last moments of his life, but I imagine it might have been something along the lines of Dylan Thomas' message.

Thinking of birth and death, as I celebrate my own birthday with my daughter today, and remember my father.

From Thomas....

Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. 

How to get (creatively) booted from Cambridge

Leave it to Lord Byron to be famously infamously booted from one of the most prestigious schools in the world. Lord Byron, the bad boy of Romantic Poetry, was known for dragging his more “innocent” friends, such as Percey Shelley and his wife Mary into mental hijinks and events of laudanum-induced night-long hallucinatory nightmares (supposedly the origin’s of Mary’s Frankenstein) in his country manor, which he ultimately lost due to his bohemian ways.

Byron would have felt a bit more at home perhaps at the present-day L’Università di Bologna, a rather bohemian hotspot of the time, though probably he would have not indeed like the less-than-pleasing aesthetics of the environs. Byron was a big “fan” of Italy, needless to say, though Rome and the Northwest Coast were more his cup of Espresso. (I wonder if the St. Eustachi coffee was already famous at the time…? It is such a secret recipe that they have screens in front of the bariste so no one can see how it is made.)

But, back to getting expelled. Cambridge has a very rich history of writers, poets and essayists, amongst whom are Francis Bacon, Christopher Marlowe, Samuel Coleridge (another dabbler in hallucination-inspiration), Sir Isaac Newton, and more recently the poet Ted Hughes and Physicist Stephen Hawking, and on and on. So, one would think that Byron would see that his ticket would be punched if he could just toe the line, but, then he would not be Lord Byron, but merely another Cambridge man who “came down” from the Ivory Tower to the “real world.” Like Bill Gates, isn’t it better to get kicked out and then be taught in that very institution? So, Lord Byron did not come down to the real world, he brought the “real world” to the Tower. Apparently, to get the boot, Byron had a live bear in his room at Trinity College. Now that is what I call being creatively kicked out of Cambridge.

In Byron’s irreverent honor then, here is “Who killed John Keats?”:

Who killed John Keats?

‘I,” says the Quarterly,

So savage and Tartarly;

‘ ‘Twas one of my feats.’

Who shot the arrow?

‘The poet-priest Milman

(So ready to kill man),

Or Southey or Barrow.’

The Desert of Oz

The Bhagavad Gita tells us that Krishna is all Time, and Time is the great Destroyer, Death, the consumer of all. And, yet, at the same time, Time is the great Creator, Life, that which pervades the Universe. Of course this is not unique to the Gita as it is in many religions, but it happens to be the one on my mind today.

Time is the great Destroyer, the great Creator and the great Healer. At night, as I am reviewing my day, I have a certain mantra-sutra that I say to myself, sometimes many times, until it really sinks in for the day's events.

Part of it deals with the idea that we, as mere mortals, cannot know the extent of our actions, nor can we be in control of the reactions of others to our actions. There are pebbles thrown out there on the cosmic lake, so to speak, that have profound ripples, ripples that may still wrinkle in Time, long after our time is up. And, we cannot know these.

Moreover, what may have seemed great today, may one day be so insignificant in the Future, or perhaps even turn out for the worse. On the contrary, something that may have seemed so wrong, so bad in the Past, might today become our greatest strength. We cannot predict the sands of Time, for unlike a gentle flow through an hourglass, they are more like the swirling sands of the Sahara, dunes shifting and patterns ever changing. For us to try and control that awesome force, that sublime movement, is nothing short of blasphemy to the Universe.

I have learned acceptance about many things in life over the years, and one of them is this, that we can act, and our actions will have re-actions, but once in motion, we must continue to move forward and to learn from those actions, and to impart that wisdom via experience to others around us if possible. The acceptance and surrender to the great dunes of Time's wake is one of the most difficult things for us, as Be-ings concerned with Freewill, to do. It is not necessarily Faith, but perhaps a close cousin.

For, like Ozymandias, what pride may come of our actions, may end in futility, but humility of the bigger picture will never serve you wrong, so long as it is not false humility.

Today, I am reminded of Shelley, who died so young, but whose legacy outlived his own life ten-fold already.

Ozymandias

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert...Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Percy Bysshe Shelley

Re-Generate

There have been many turning points in my life, some that at the Time, seemed for the better, and others, at the Time, seemed for the worse. However, in whichever way we look at things, we end up where we are, for better or for worse. Looking back on the path can cause regret, or perhaps better remorse. To re-gret something is to literally go back to it, but, unless you have a flux capacitator, then at the moment, that’s not possible. However, one can have remorse, or literally a re-chewing of the Past or past events. But, like a stale piece of gum, you can only re-chew something so many times before you need to cast it away.

As I wrote previously, 2013 has begun with a series of challenges, and since that posting, they have continued, to the point that I literally was worn down physically and had to stop a while and look around about what was going on. It was a deep moment of re-flection, but ultimately neither of re-gret nor re-morse, but merely a deep, profoundly deep re-flection.

From that, in what sounds a bit farcical, but for me is very real, I realized also one of the reasons that I do like the BBC series “Doctor Who” so much. Doctor Who has endured over the years numerous re-generations, not re-births so to speak, but literally enters a new generation of Be-ing.

I have felt that many times in my life, and these past two weeks were yet another example for me of such a re-generation, one in which I emerged, almost quite literally with a “new face” as does the Doctor.

Although I have posted this poem once before elsewhere, that was another “Doctor” Fulton, and I keep coming back to this poem, because it speaks to me like no other, and I imagine that if I were to wish an epitaph on any memorial, I would request to have this poem engraved as such.

Again, for me, there is no poem greater in my Life than Wallace Stevens’s

“The Poem That Took the Place of A Mountain”

There it was, word for word,

The poem that took the place of a mountain.

He breathed its oxygen,

Even when the book lay turned in the dust of his table.

It reminded him how he had needed

A place to go to in his own direction,

How he had recomposed the pines,

Shifted the rocks and picked his way among clouds,

For the outlook that would be right,

Where he would be complete in an unexplained completion:

The exact rock where his inexactness

Would discover, at last, the view toward which they had edged,

Where he could lie and, gazing down at the sea,

Recognize his unique and solitary home.

Wallace Stevens

When the Center Cannot Hold

This blog is a tribute to all of the greater poets whom have written and that I admire at some level.

You may not always agree with the choice, but it is hard to disagree with the material.

For the inaugural post, I chose no less than W. B. Yeats. For some he is iconic, for others he is comic at best. For me, he was the epitome of a Romantic time during a troubled time. For better or for worse, he gave us poetry that will stand the test of time. Many  of his poems will fall by the way side, many will never be recited again.

However, "The Second Coming" will never cease to stimulate some sort of reaction.

Chinua Achebe wrote a book called, "Things Fall Apart" based upon the opening lines of this poem, and it is one for the ages.

Currently, in my life, I feel the ever-widening gyre spinning out of control at times. I want to stop Time, I want to reel it in, but, alas, we cannot. It continues to move, and we must move with it.

The opening lines to this poems are emblazoned upon my mind. They sit there like a skulking gargoyle, always reminding me that Time is just around the corner, and that we, fellow travelers are just that, traveling.

The words speak more of their worth:

From "The Second Coming"

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The Falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold,
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;